While scrolling through the onslaught of posts on social media from my friends wishing their mothers the best this mother’s day, it prompted this post. My mom is on the other side of the world this year for mother’s day, but I did make sure to send her a message to wish her well.
Our relationship has never been easy. I have struggled to be very communicative with her growing up as the residual fear and resentment derived from my childhood has placed itself between us. Life has placed us in circumstances that weren’t conducive to the most loving relationship. I know that my mom is far from perfect. I know that she has many less than admirable features. Her temper and insensitive edge has hurt me on occasion and I sometimes worry that I may resemble her on my bad days a little too much.
As I have gotten older, and especially since turning 18 this year while figuring out where I want to pursue post secondary education, I have found that we have been able to ease the dynamics. I am no longer as dependent on her, and perhaps that has lessened the weight on her. It’s like she is finally letting me breathe because I can finally relieve her pressure. There are words that remain which I think we are both hesitant to say to each other, but there is a feeling of understanding nowadays. I know that she has sacrificed her youth for my sister and I, encountered a lot of less than favorable situations, felt completely alone in raising her children, and felt obliged to maintain a tough exterior. For that, I appreciate and respect her tremendously. For better or for worse, I would not be who I am today had it not been for this woman. For that, I owe her one.